Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
