FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize