How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i barfeds in our rink
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
