I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
