I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
