Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
