About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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