Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
