Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I pour the whiskey from now on
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
