I showed him my bush... on skype.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
