its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Fuck appropriateness.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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