just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
