I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You are a genius and a whore.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
