R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
