No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
