In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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