what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
