This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
