Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
