I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
too bad you live with your parents still
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
