I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
