Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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