This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
