As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
