So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Randomize
