Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
