Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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