remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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