After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
