I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
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I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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