So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
