She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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