U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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