i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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