after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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