just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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