If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
