I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
