girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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