Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
