I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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