Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
