Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
