i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We have so much sex to catch up on
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
sex in a hospital.. check
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
