before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
