I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
