Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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