Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.