What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
