capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
