Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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