so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
