when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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