what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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