these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize