You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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