Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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