Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
