Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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