Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
