where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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