dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
