obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
