He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
