Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
