did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
