Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
