Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
