I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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