So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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