have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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