thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
