i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
