Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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