I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
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i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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