so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
