while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
